Archive for July, 2009
Ladies Love Her
Dear Deviant,
I’ve been dating a woman for a few months now. This is my first lesbian relationship, but she has only been with women. We met in the club scene just flirting and making out sometimes. Eventually we started seeing each other more often and started a relationship. My problem is she still makes out with other women when we go clubbing. She says its just innocent partying. Do I have a right to be jealous?
-Jane Lover
——————————————————–
Dear J-Lo,
Usually I do not do this, but I’m going to make an exception for you. I am going to tell you the future: This is your ex-girlfriend- maybe not today, but soon enough. Save yourself the forthcoming heartache. It may be innocent kissing for her, but it obviously was not for you- you made her your girlfriend after swapping spit a few times. One always has the right to be jealous…that does not mean the other person has the obligation to care. If you are uncomfortable with the option of having an open relationship both of you are going to be miserable. Your jealousy will soon infringe upon her lavish lady loving and it will consume you until you explode in a Carrie-like rage. Or you can just be friends and find another person who only hearts J-Lo.
DeviantE-mail your love & advice questions to me@deardeviant.com
Confessions of a ManTaker
Dear Deviant,
Last week I was hanging with my BFF. Things were cool, but I told her I had to go take care of my mom who had a cold. Instead, I went on a date with her boyfriend. I feel terrible about lying, but they haven’t even been together that long. This was our 6th date. We haven’t had sex yet but he’s tried and now I want to. What should I do?
MANTAKER
———————————————————————————————
Dear MANTAKER,
I will spare you all the moral indignation everyone else would so rightly pour upon you. Instead, let’s forget everyone else’s feelings and just focus on you (something with which you are obviously quite comfortable). If you are going on dates with this guy, I take it you may be interested in more than some hot sex on a platter. This is not a good choice in a mate for you, mostly because he has adulterous tendencies AND a soon to be ex-girlfriend who already has your phone number and address. I take it you are severely starved for attention because of all the guys out there, you chose your “BFF’s” man. You might as well sleep with him- If not to compound the hurt your friend will live when she soon finds out that her guy has been double dipping in the friend sauce, at least because the aftermath will surely lead to another great post on Dear Deviant. PLEASE make sure to use a condom when making use of the community manhoe, no need to sprinkle chlamydia on the stab wounds in your BFF’s back.
DeviantE-mail your love & advice questions to me@deardeviant.com
Why, Why, Why?
Dear Deviant,
Why is it always about what’s wrong with women? When do men have to worry about changing to make sure women approve? Why is everything about appealing to men’s desires and wishes? I think I’m going to swear off men and dating FOREVER. I’m sick of the games, the lies, the other women, the fear of commitment. MEN SUCK!!
-Pissed-off @ Men
—————————————————————————————————
Dear P.A.M.,
Chile….I feel you. There is something about that XY match up that just hardwires for stupid, and I’m a guy (hetero to boot!). It is a male dominated patriarchal society/media/world in which women are expected to be big-busted, small-waist, and only interested in men’s interests. But, let’s take a detour from the man-bashing, only for a second.
I am often of the perspective that issues are not women things or men things, black things or white things, but people things. Honestly, people do not know what they want. Some women have their mega-lists (consider this an open call to e-mail me with your list…please…..please do it). Some men believe porno. Mostly, people are just scared or anxious about allowing themselves to be vulnerable to the whims of another, though it makes for such a great roller-coaster ride through life (have I used the roller coaster analogy before?).
You don’t want to swear off men, you want to get rid of the jerks, the a**holes, liars, cheaters, minute men and non-cunniliguist. True, this reduces your dating pool to Todd the 34y.o. accountant who lives with his mother and pet cat, but Todd may be empathetic and could be packing! Quiet as is kept, not all women are beams of sunshine or contributing members to a relationship as well. Even more quietly kept, not all women are good in bed (that has nothing to do with your issue though, I just wanted to let that snippy cat out of the bag).
However, if you are sincere about your interests in warding off men, might I recommend the lovely land of ladies? I must warn you, this will not reduce the games, lies, other women, or fear of commitment, but imagine all the money you’ll save when you take her out to ladies night!! Welcome to the team!
DeviantE-mail your love & advice questions to me@deardeviant.com
Where for art thou o passionate nights?
OK, I know this was spam, but it read so well. Who knows, some of you out there may actually feel this way.
Dear Deviant,
The tiger is gone from my husband and he is not interested in my body to make romantic intimate love and will not touch me. His testosterone levels are normal. He can get ready ok to perform and make intimate love and he says he is not cheating. He says he is just tired for love making but, finds energy to do all his hobbies.
What is wrong with me? I am not ugly, I get hit on all the time by men of all ages, even 20 year olds, I am 35. I am very clean about my body. I am not inhibited sexually and have told him that I would try anything he wants.
-Levitra
—————————————————————————————————
Dear Levitra,
If your husband checks out physically, then the next thing to consider is psychologically. First and foremost:
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
Secondly,
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
Don’t bare the full burden of what could possibly be a joint issue between the two of you. His lack of sexual desire could be indicative of an underlying communication or interactional problem between the two of you, at his job, or something he considers personal and has kept from you. Communication is key. Perhaps you can consider locating a Marriage and Family Therapist in your area (www.aamft.org) that can help you and your husband through this rough time.
——————–
With that said, damn you Levitra spam. There goes my hopes of posting only snarky quips about people’s mundane lives in efforts to alleviate my own boredom and fears. Upon review, I could have made that reply way more dramatic and entertaining, but my poptarts are ready.
This is a great time to review Dear Deviant’s disclaimer.
E-mail your love & advice questions to me@deardeviant.com
Long John Lover
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
E-mail your love & advice questions to me@deardeviant.com
OMG NO WAY, T3ARZ
Dear Deviant,
I THINK MY BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON ME?!?!?
-OMG
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
OMG,
I think so, too.
DeviantE-mail your love & advice questions to me@deardeviant.com