Dear Deviant:

How do you make clear to a guy that you do NOT want to be his sex buddy or his girlfriend without hurting his feelings yet still stay pals?  Should I relate a gross or embarrassing story?  Leave a turd spinning in my toilet bowl when he hangs out at my apartment?

-ODD
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ODD,

Why you would allow someone to put you out of your zone to the extent of not flushing your toilet is in a word: sad.  In other words: bizarre, creepy, masochism, etc.  Put your foot down.  If feelings are hurt, that’s the way it is.  Do you want such a trite friend anyway?  Try saying this: “Dig Fam, let me be all the way 100: Somos amigos, you are not getting my panty-draws.”  If that approach is a tad too brolic for you, notice of restraining order should communicate the same message effectively.  While it will impede your budding friendship, from your description of the situation, court ordered distances were in the near future anyway.

E-mail your love & advice questions to me@deardeviant.com